(I put out a variation of this each year–all to no end–but at least it keeps the conversation going)
It’s the New Year. Few of us note that Tuesday night we toasted Father Time with his scythe (trailed by a baby) which gently reminds us that we end each year celebrating Zeus’ castration of his father, Kronos (just as Kronos used a sickle to castrate his daddy, Uranus). What a clear (if somewhat unpleasant) metaphor. Out with the old–in with the new — not a pretty visual, but it’s the essence of the life force.
My friend coined the term, “WAJ” (pronounced Wahj). Knowing that I’m often not “all there,” (or “out in left field” as my mother used to say) he just shrugs his shoulders and says “That’s ridiculous. That’s ‘WAJ’–the World According to Jeff. Life’s not that way—and never will be.”
In WAJ, sun block causes cancer — rather than prevents it (Google it). We need to have forest fires in order to prevent them (see early American Indians intentionally burning in late May). Rugby is honored at Cal — not demoted.
Locally, our problems are the same as in small town destinations everywhere, from Maui, to Aspen to Nantucket. Water, tourism, affordable housing, traffic, design control, quality of life vs. development. We are no different.
In no particular order, it would start with no more sidewalks and gutters on country roads. Especially in front of vineyards as witnessed on Pope St. It makes our town look like Black Hawk. Subtly paved bike paths (for pedestrians too) like around Lake Tahoe, are just fine.
On the subject of traffic: Make the Valley a loop. All traffic from Napa to Calistoga goes north, via a three lane highway up 29 and heads south on a three lane highway down the Silverado Trail. Sure, certain families which live near cross roads (say Silverado and Zinfandel) will have to go south (down to Rutherford) to go north—and vice versa–but it’s a five minute inconvenience for a few, to unclog roads for literally millions.
In WAJ, there will be no more wasted money on feasibility studies regarding round-a-bouts.
They work. They’ve been proven in Aspen, Truckee, and all through Europe. Install them immediately at each major cross road between Napa and St. Helena.
Round-a-bouts can be built for far less than the cost of stop lights and more appropriate than overpasses.
Security cameras are placed on Pope Street Bridge (my friend’s idea). Any large illegal truck that tries to cross it gets fine a hundred bucks. Can’t tell you how dangerous it is when traffic backs up on the Trail because a Rig prevents two way traffic on the bridge. It would pay for itself in a week.
Parking: Meters are re-installed for five years (or until an underground garage is completed on the Adams St. site). Income from meters (200 spots would generate at least $100 per day (not counting fines)—enough to service the debt on a $5,000,000 underground garage.
All new parking lots would be required to look like the one at Napa College out on Pope St. The placement of the trees makes it look like an old fashioned orchard—not a paved lot.
Adams Street extension gets built, and Main Street is turned over to the tourists. A “Village Square” (complete with fountain) is built on the Daly property — zoned for local serving only — featuring café, restaurant, “Kellers”, barber shop, shoe repair, hardware, machine repair, deli, and other local retail—maybe even City Hall.
Tainter is closed between the Catholic school and Church. It becomes a joint play area for the Boys and Girls Club and Catholic school. Turn it into basketball courts and parking.
The Wine Train goes. Bike paths take its place.
City league basketball returns. Gyms we got. Softball is encouraged, not discouraged every summer night on Carpy Field.
Gates and a driveway are installed on South side of elementary school playground (off South Crane) so grandmothers can be dropped off close to the Little League Diamonds and not have to walk 200 yards to see their grandkids play.
On the school front, High school practices for athletes can be no longer than a max of two hours, and the majority of them must be only 1.5 hours.
Seasons are shortened. Rather than two basketball, or two Volleyball games per week against other schools, there will be one game per week against another school, and then one Red and White game (with officials, scoreboards, the whole enchilada, at night) between roughly balanced squads. They will be “game-like” in every way, but local kids will be playing against each other. Believe me, “red vs. white” games would draw as well as a Tuesday night game against Tamales—and more kids (and parents) would enjoy the athletic experience.
International Baccalaureate program is reinstated and the emphasis goes back to academics not “extra-curricular activities.”
Inter-district transfers are discouraged—not encouraged.
Install the soccer fields on the Pope St. property Dave Garden donated to the town–just for fields. And no balderdash about flood plains. Fields don’t interfere with floods.
Fireplaces would be encouraged. The ban on new fireplaces would be immediately lifted.
Western hills would be harvested and cleared of “understory” to prevent a “Rim fire” from occurring up here. Monies used to fight fires would be allocated to the county to hire convicts (they’re cheap) and unemployed workers to clear the forests. Some could be harvested for profit to help pay for it. This one is vital!
Housing? City would buy a few cheaper acres on the edge of the URL rezone it for “Work Force” housing, rather than build on expensive land like Adams Street.
NO housing built behind the new levy. Does no one watch TV news?
Each winery is charged 2 cents per case for schools.
Money goes to building a “teacher town” of affordable housing for teachers in St. Helena.
Rodney’s hotel gets built. In-and-Out does not replace A&W.
Christmas wreaths would forever adorn St. Helena’s historic electroliers (lamp posts) during the Holidays. Next year we put red, blue, green and yellow blubs in each lamp like we used to.
During light rain years like these past two, dredge Conn Lake. Make the bathtub bigger.
MOST IMPORTANT: Build a one foot tall concrete barrier at the top of the all spillways in Napa County. Conn Lake is 870 surface acres (Bell Canyon is 70 surface acres). A one foot increase in the height of these spill ways, will put negligible pressure on the dams and solve all of Napa and St. Helena’s water problems for the next 50 years. (Napa sells water from Lake Hennessy to St. Helena as opposed to expensive water it is selling us now from the “Water Bank” (Which is piped in from out of the area).
Until Conn dam overflows, during rain storms when the river rises dangerously high, water is pumped up from the river into Conn Dam (Lake Hennessey). We already have the pipes. All we need are the pumps.
Napa River, especially near Pope Street gets cleared of debris to alleviate flooding. (Farmers used to “burn” all the growth in the river back in the day—there was no debris and scads more steelhead—go figure!
Any farmer who either alone, or in concert with others (see Rutherford Dust Society) attempts to alleviate flooding by terracing, cleaning debris, or anything else which can be signed off by the Army Corps of Engineers will be held harmless from any damage which occurs down stream, and specifically held harmless from any suits from Eco-terrorists.
Good faith efforts ought to be rewarded not punished.
City land next to water reclamation plant is leased for $1/year to churches or service groups for vegetable gardens. Each group gets an acre—and the food goes to the hungry. Excess produce can be sold and profits go to affordable housing.
I could go on, but at my age I can’t remember what else I want. Funny how so many wishes have to do with traffic. But after a certain age, there’s nothing more important than “circulation”—no matter the arena.
